Fitting in is the theft of identity: Here's how to restore your sense of self at work

So, you are at work, and you feel like you don't fit in or don't subscribe to the so-called 'company culture'. 

Good for you. You shouldn't. 

A homogenous company culture is an identity killer, a thief to individuality and it should be avoided like the plague. 

For 15 years I have been mentoring people through SheSays and most recently through The WEI, a career progression platform I co-founded.

In 2023 I had the chance to talk to over 150 people who came to The WEI's career surgery. Almost all of them cited a loss of self-identity as their main career challenge. Company culture was often questioned and red-flagged. 

Louise Sloper

Company culture is defined as "shared values, beliefs and behaviours that shape the way people think and act in an organisation." This could sound nice if it wasn't often translated as "the way things are done around here."

And while some might argue that a company culture can lead to increased efficiency and productivity due to shared communication styles and reduced misunderstandings, I'd take the solvable drag of miscommunication over the bigger, more damaging negative effects a homogenous company culture brings.

Especially for people in the Creative Industries. 

Creativity and innovation are at-odds with one-dimensional teams that tend to think in similar ways. Homogenous teams are limited in their ability to come up with new ideas and solutions to problems.

One-dimensional teams are more resistant to change and can make decisions based on conformity rather than critical thinking. Articles on how a diverse workforce is a conduit for innovation is covered by research from Harvard Business Review all the way to companies like Google. 

So yeah, I'll take a little conflict of opinions over shit work and status-quo perpetration any day. Truth be told, I secretly enjoy when people say, 'I disagree'. Even better, I love those who don't fit in. Words of warning: you may be called names. I have; quirky, difficult, 'too much' and even crazy.  

A courageous sense of identity, devoid of egotistical or narcissistic traits, is critical to our industry. If your company is obsessed about company culture you should question the approach. 

The very definition of equity means creating different adjustments for different people, making any pervasive principles of company culture irrelevant. Before you look inwards, tune out to how homogenous your company culture is.

Ralitsa Nyagolova

If you don't like what you see, suggest a change. There are a lot of things companies can do to facilitate the prioritisation of identity over culture.

They can partner with platforms reinventing the whole employee ecosystem. Companies like Genie on unbiasing recruitment, or Pando on performance reviews or even The WEI on personalised career progression. Tackling employee benefits alone there have been some adventurous VC backed newcomers into the space like Tokens of Appreciation and Overploy.

Going forward, consider living by a company purpose - a shared ambition for change - instead of a company culture shaped by an inflexible system by which people must operate.  Consider creating communities with small distinct blueprints over a one-dimensional company culture. 

In case you get push-back citing productivity and finance as a justification for a homogeneous company culture, I suggest you bring up reports from every single consultancy under the sun including McKinsey claiming that companies with ethnic and cultural diversity were 36% more profitable and when women are well represented in the C-suite, profits can be almost 50% higher. Kerching!

Now let's focus on you. What can you do to preserve identity over culture? 

1. Understand your self-worth 

While this may come with time and should not be confused with being an arrogant twit, your values and self-worth form the basis for everything. Without them you are toast: from salary negotiation all the way to making your ideas heard.

2. Master your communication style

Your DISC profile may give insights into how you express yourself. It may also shed light on how you compliment other people's communication styles. Worth exploring as an antidote to the disaster of miscommunication. (yep, I did say miscommunication was solvable a few paragraphs ago.)

3. Channel your inner Steve Jobs – or Oprah?

For those in leadership positions or aspiring leaders, knowing your leadership style is key. Bear in mind that an authoritative style, for example, can be a disaster for creating belonging. If you are curious, there are many free tests you can take to find out your leadership style. Are you a Visionary like Steve Jobs or have an Affiliative leadership style like Oprah? 

Toma Znataviciute

4. Set boundaries

Boundary setting is key to identity preservation. Having value-driven and/or wellbeing-driven deal-breakers are essential to pushing-back. What are yours? Mine is discrimination disguised as banter, drives me mad.

5. Avoid code-switching

This is big for underrepresented people. If you are having to constantly code-switch you may not be on equal footing with someone and your lizard brain may be in survival mode. Bear in mind I'm using the broader definition of code-switching involving adjusting one’s behaviour to optimise the comfort of others.

6. Pick the right advocates

While internal mentors can be useful, it is important to have advocates outside of work for an external perspective. Group-think may be getting the better - or worse - of you and red-flags could pass as green without an 'outside-in' point of view.

7. Upfront it all

Make sure you vocalise your communication or leadership styles as well as deal-breakers when interviewing or during your performance review. 

And this wouldn't be a piece about self-identity if I didn't urge you to calibrate the above seven points depending on what feels right to you. There's never a one-size fits all solution, or book, or article that gives perfect-fit advice because, you guessed it, we are all different. 

It is you over culture - always. Before you represent a company, you should represent you. Yes you, because your identity is the mother of creativity and innovative work. Because you are the point here. Not me or anyone else.

By Alessandra Lariu, Co-Founder of The WEI

Header image by Ben the Illustrator